In loving memory of Chrystal Lynn Schulte.
1987-2016
Nail Biting
What a journey it has been
I have struggled with nail biting and picking for as long as I can remember. Having torn up nail beds, tiny nibs that can barely accept polish and have been bitten and torn so low that my nail beds are consistently exposed, puffy, red, and painful, was something to which I had grown completely accustomed. It was my every day. I always longed to have smooth, long nails with smooth an clean cuticles. I have tried so many topical solutions, and so many habit interventions. But the thing I have learned is the most important in quitting a habit like nail biting is that habit changing is an everyday and active task. Once I wrapped my head around this concept, I was able to implement interventions to help me cut the habit. I've been rocking my own beautiful, strong, natural nails for two years now.
...and this was a good day
I've had this habit for as long as I can remember, so my nails have pretty much looked like this for my whole life, or worse. The most salient part of it was the pain, my fingers always hurt. I would peel the nail off way below the end of the nail bed. It would swell, redden, and be extra sensitive for the next few days. My cuticles and the ends of my fingers around my nails were also always ragged and dry.
And I always wanted beautiful nails like my mom's. She tried to take me to a salon once to get acrylics put on, hoping that would stop me from biting and picking at them. I'll never forget the looks in the nail technician's face, my nails were too short for acrylic nails to attach.
I didn't find these until the last few years, but they're one of the best options for press-on nails. I recommend using the press-on glue plus a dab of regular nail glue for maximum longevity.
So, I decided to find a way to get a similar barrier placed over my natural, mangled nails, without the public shame. That's when I discovered press-on and glue-on nails at the drugstore. I would save up money from chores and allowance hoping that if I could just get something to cover my nails for a little while, then I could grow out my own nails, and in the meantime I would have little canvases to practice nail art. I never liked the approach of rubbing pepper or something around my nails because it just felt weird always having what felt like dirt all over my fingers. It felt gross and like I couldn't use my hands.
I liked a lot of Sally Hansen ones, but this has always been my favorite because of the sheen and the weight of it on my nails. It is also really easy to control and doesn't get too think and gross like a lot of them as it gets older.
I tried to avoid actively quitting the habit throughout my adolescence and most of my twenties—masking them with fake nails, hoping the avoidance would just quit itself. I tried numerous nail growth serums and strengtheners. They worked to the extent that I could leave them on my nails without picking it off.
The habit was unconscious. I had to learn what my triggers were and how to stop the compulsion.
Cutting the habit
Over the years, I figured out my pattern. The habit was a combination of a stress or anxiety reaction, a mindless grooming habit that stemmed from a desire to have smooth lines around my nails...even though, or maybe especially because, they were always all ripped up because I picked at, bit, and tore up my nails and nail beds.
I had to create and learn and instill a positive habit or pattern. I had to make a concerted effort. So I came up with a couple of lists, one for habits I want to foster and the other for habits I want to release. I wanted to stop biting, stop picking, stop scraping my nails against my teeth, and stop mindlessly or intentionally doing any of it. To tackle that habit I implemented a trick I learned in a Sports Psychology, it's called a Stop Cue. It's pretty self-explanatory. The trick is being active in your moments, when I noticed that I was starting to pick at my nail beds or scrap the edges of my nails around my mouth or my nails, I literally would just say "STOP IT NICOLE!" At first it honestly worked better when I did say it aloud, but if I was with people I decided not to sound like a crazy person and said it in my head, but loudly.
I also added some regular pamper time. I found a couple of brands of press-on nails that lasted for at least a week, so I started giving myself a manicure once a week. I would soak my nails in a bowl with a little epson salt and essential oil. I used cuticle oil and creamy hand lotion, and pushed back my cuticles. I learned about crystal nail files that don't dull. I learned that clipping your nails weakens them, so regular grooming should be done with a file instead of a clipper.
Then I would apply the press-on nails. When I used the IMPRESS nails, I used the sticky tabs that were already on the nail plus a drop of regular nail glue to make them last for 7-10 days. If I washed dished a lot that week, they'd start coming off earlier, but if I wore gloves while I washed, then they'd last their maximum longevity.
The first hurdle was growing them out past the end of the nail bed, then past the end of the finger. Once I grew them out I'd apply a shiny top coat or nail strengthener to keep something on them that wasn't a fake nail. The barrier helped me resist nibbling and picking at them. Eventually, I was able to manicure and paint my own normal length, natural nails. It felt amazing when I realized it had been a year since I started mindfully cutting the habit of biting and picking at my nails.
There were a few back-slides, but I kept with my manicure routine and using my stop cue, and I continue to get past them all. It's been three years now. Sometimes a particularly stressful, or anxiety-inducing situation will result in a couple of nails being trimmed down orally, but now they're even harder to get at with my teeth. They've been getting stronger because I've been letting them grown longer. When I'm mindful of my hands, I can stop myself from picking at them. Changing this habit has been one of the biggest and longest challenges I've faced in my life. I've learned what they mean when they talk about the power of intention. I always thought that idea was a little misleading, but I get it now. If I set my mind to something, all I have to do is do it, then it's done. Let me know in the comments if you've struggled with nail biting, or if there's another habit that you have been wanting to change, and what you have done or want to do about it.
Meeting The Young Turks
This is summer, I got the chance to visit the rebel headquarters of independent media, The Young Turks. We were out in southern California for my Abuela's 80th birthday party. We planned to do a beach day or two, a trip to the Central Valley to visit my best gal and her munchkin, plenty of family time—while I was planning all of this I knew I had to find a way to make a trip to visit and thank The Young Turks for their work. So, I did.
What is there to say about these guys...
I discovered them in 2015, early on in the Democratic primary season as a related video listed in the sidebar while I was trying to learn more about Senator Bernie Sanders in a Thom Hartman video. I loved the balance of candor, the thoughtfulness, the context, and the wit of the hosts. It was like all the news that I love from Democracy Now, plus some serious and hard-hitting commentary. I started watching their LIVE show every weekday. After a few months I became a paying member. I realized that it was something I cared about tremendously, and appreciated the impact that watching their show had on me, so I knew I had to support them with what I could. I can't recommend their news show highly enough, but they actually have a whole network of shows which are equally powerful and fun.
TYT on Fusion Campus Tour
In the Fall of 2016, in the full swing of the general election, TYT and Fusion teamed up to do a tour across the country to ask millennials about the election, the candidates, and the issues that they found most important. I was glued to their website when they were announcing the details for their stop in Chicago. I got our names on the list, and we went to the October 24th event at the University of Chicago, Institute of Politics. It was thrilling—the guest was David Axelrod, the conversation revolved around the character and the presentation of Hillary Clinton. We got a chance to meet and greet a little bit after the LIVE show.
Visiting Rebel Headquarters
I arranged a visit to The Young Turks studio for our last full day in California, but I forgot to ask about parking. Oops! So our visit started a little crazy, we searched for parking anywhere, found a lot but didn't have cash, tried to find an ATM to no avail. It was an adventure. We finally made it into the studio and our wonderful guide, Norma, got us hooked up with the right parking situation. While my sugar was re-parking, I got to chat with Grace Baldridge—from Pop Trigger and of course, Murder with Friends. We talked about traveling and long distance driving. I got a chance to chat briefly with Francis Maxwell, but no picture because he was in a rush; he's so delightful. I ran into Brett Erlich—from...well, everything. We chatted about traveling and about the awesome landscapes across the country.
Then it was time for the LIVE show. We got to sit in the studio while they filmed, got the meet the big guy, the one and only, Cenk Uygur. Before I actually became a member, I watched the film, Mad As Hell, about Cenk and the formation of TYT. It gave me a look into the work and the passion and the compassion that has gone into building every bit of the TYT Network, the Too Strong TYT Army, the momentum behind the call for a constitutional amendment to eradicate the influence of money in politics through Wolf-PAC. This man IS hard work and dedication. It was an honor to meet and to thank him for that hard work, dedication, and tremendous passion in the fight for justice. We sat through taping the main show, the Post-Game, and TYT Classics. David and joked that we would've loved to stay until they kicked us out. On our way out we had to snap a picture with our wonderful tour guide, Norma. It was the best way to close the California leg of our cross-country road trip.
An Introduction
I've always been an artist. I've always been obsessed with balancing function and aesthetics, holding both in the highest regard. My notes in school were always color coordinated, whether taken in pen or on my macbook. Color helps me organize life, but it also engages my interest. In fact, one of my favorite discussion topics is the variance, shades, and names of colors...
I've wanted to start a blog for a long time, but made endless excuses and avoided committing to an idea. One of my most common was that my interests are too vast. I mean, that is what everyone in my life has told me for my whole life. Pick something.
...I don't want to. My interests, passions, and talents are vast and diverse. When I get too narrow for too long, I get bored. So bored. So unstimulated. I have to keep it busy...sometimes a little messy. I LOVE that. But that's how and why I've developed such great organizational skills along the ride.
Anyway, I'm here now. I have so much to share. I hope you'll join me.
Enjoy the ride!