Look, we all feel low sometimes. We all face challenges that push us to evaluate who we are, who we want to be, and what we have to offer. That's why there is so much value in reminding ourselves that we are awesome, worthwhile, and enough. I have to remind myself of this consistently, especially the "enough" part. I was teased a lot when I was a kid because I was very confident in my uniqueness, and for how much I've always loved mirrors. People called me conceited when I commented that I love my hair, or that I felt great in an outfit. It was mean, and I internalized the message that it was wrong for me to love who I am. It was clear to me that as a girl, I was expected to be beautiful to have worth, but that I couldn't be mindful of it or proud it. Thank you impossible double standards of the patriarchy. These kind of experiences were the foundation of my feminism.
But even after I started learning the vocabulary of feminism, I spent many years essentially hiding from my own sunshine, hiding from what has made me who I am, not letting myself be me or my potential because I didn't fit my perception of other people's expectations of me (real and imagined, I'll be the first to admit now). I like to look back on this bullet journal spread when I'm feeling down about myself, or my place in life, or anything really. Even if I can't shake my feelings at the moment when I'm feeling low, at least I can look at this spread and remember that I can be and have been in a more positive head-space. That I am enough. That I have value to add to the world and to the people in it.
I found this exercise so helpful in my journey for personal growth and balance. I completed it in my Artist of Life workbook at the beginning of the year, then recently I saw it again while going through my old bullet journal. The original exercise in the workbook says to list 10 items for each heading, my goal was to fill the page beautifully. I started with the headings, then just started penciling in characteristics, skills, and tendencies that I love about myself. I had this picture in my mind of this being a beautiful spread of word art and positive elements of me, with minimal color used only to accentuate. That fell apart quickly. My color scheme became a typical expression of Nicole, an eclectic mix. It's still one of my favorite spreads that I've created thus far in my bullet journal journeys.
I really encourage you to complete this exercise too. It will feel weird at first because we're taught from day one to be confident but not vain, and the line between those seems to be defined by everyone outside of ourselves. I say screw that. Be proud of your strengths, embrace the things you love about yourself.
Things I Love About Myself
How I can get lost in the beautiful details of everyday life. I am a "stop and smell the roses" kind of woman. I love the way that I can get lost in the details of how the light and shadow move across the wisps and masses of clouds, or the variance in size and color of the petals on a budding or blossoming flower.
Long purple hair. I colored my hair purple in February 2016. At first I added few chunky streaks at the bottom and middle of my head, buuuuuuuuut that didn't last long. I loved it so much I dyed the rest all purple within a few weeks. I have always loved my long dark hair, but when it's purple it gives me life.
My sense for aesthetic. Function will always take primacy for me, but aesthetic is like a 1B to function's 1A status. This is the artist and color obsessor in me, I just love for things to look nice. Over the years, I've even developed a particular, yet eclectic sense of style or personal aesthetic.
The joy I feel blending colors. Ah! I find utter delight and joy in blending colors, whether is be acrylic or water-color paint, hair dye, chalk pastels, colored pencil, eyeshadow, or body paint. Blending colors gives me life.
Creativity. Art, creativity, expression, and curiosity have been integral in my life for as long as I can remember. When I'm not engaging in these values, I get lost and low. "Art is why I get up in the morning, and my definition ends there" (-Ani DiFranco).
My lips, smile, and eyes. My facial features resemble my mother more every day, and I treasure that. I have always loved my mother's smile and the first time someone told me I have her smile, my soul beamed with delight. I love to play up my features with makeup, but regardless of how little or much makeup I apply, these are my favorite features on my face. With all the "body positivity" messaging going on these days (which of course I support wholeheartedly), I think it's important to remember to see and appreciate the beauty in our faces as well.
Natural rhythm. I started dancing around as soon as I could maneuver my body to sway and tap my feet as a toddler. I used to dance in school, but haven't since after my first year in college. But that has never stopped me from feeling music throughout my whole body. I love going to see live music to dance, even if I'm the only one out on the floor. Actually some of my most rewarding and treasured friendships have developed out of a mutual love for dancing.
My love for etymology & linguistics. I'm a giant word-nerd. The first time I heard the word etymology I was fascinated and enticed to learn more. In high school, my junior AP English class had a semester long assignment to research and write an essay about a word. I totally credit my love of language, linguistics, poetry, etymology, sentence patterns, and literary devices to this assignment and this class. The process of delving so far into the history, usage, and philosophies of my word ignited a lifelong curiosity of the context in which we learn to use and understand language, for poetry and music as well as for general communication. I just love words. I have favorite words just for their acoustic or tone aside from their meaning.
The feeling when I sing my heart out on stage. There is nothing like being on a stage, under the hot and bright lights, microphone in hand, performing my heart out. I knew I loved being on stage from a young age, I always loved to perform. My first part in a performance was in the fourth grade. We learned and performed an original musical called "Mr. C and the Gang" by our theatre teacher, Mr. Krein. He was a delight. He pushed me out of my shell and forced me to find my stage voice. To this day, it doesn't matter what's going on in my life or my head; if I can get onto a stage, I can pour my heart out through my voice.
Compulsive incorporation of color. I love color. I love the whole rainbow. I have the most difficultly not using all of the colors. I love the aesthetic of a neutral grays or black and white color scheme, but I am incapable of leaving it there, I need color. I live for color coding and blending and matching and naming. I love color. I've said i too much at this point. But really, it gives me life.
My Major Strengths
Curious nature. I'm a curious, creative, and inquisitive person. I'm a questioner, a skeptic, an analyzer. I always want to know more, know more context, more definitions, more bios, more variables to help me put new information into context for deeper understanding.
Big ideas. I'm a big idea kinda gal. I love pondering on a macro scale, but when I notice that my big ideas becoming more utopian, it is important for me to pull myself back to the everyday, to the minute, to the specific experiences of every day people and communities. Big ideas are only as good as they influence the little parts in a positive way.
Intersectional connections. These top three factors play into each other so much it was honestly difficult for me to parse them apart under separate items. I'm curious, I'm big picture context thinking, and I make connections constantly. That's how I learn about the world, other people, and myself. The vast scope of information that I have learned and continue to seek out comes from so many fields, disciplines, and perspectives that I cannot help but make intersectional connections. I mean, that's basically the definition and point of the concept of context. It's not enough to know what a thing is or means, to truly learn from that event or fact one must inquire and understand its significance. What is it, what does it mean, as well as why it is important. I could go on about this for a while...
Eternal optimism. I always try to see the bright side of things. I actually view optimism as more adaptive survival skill than pessimism. To me, optimism is not about being stuck in the clouds and only seeing the good things while ignoring the bad; it's more like not getting stuck in a defeatist mentality that nothing matters or nothing can be done to make something better. Being optimistic is a coping mechanism that helps me deal with hard times or low moments in my life. It pushes me to grow rather than wallow.
Creativity. Clearly my love and passion for creativity is super important and empowering to me, as it appears on both sides of this spread. In the section above, I talked about why I love exploring and expressing creativity. Here, I want to talk about why it is a strength in my life. My proclivity for creativity empowers me to find solutions and processes outside of the expected or traditional routes.
Passion. I feel my feelings, my ambitions, my sorrows, and everything else deeply. If I'm in it, I'm all in, but on the other hand if I'm not really interested, it is very hard for me to engage. To me, passion is about acting with fervor, intent, and excitement. My passion is about finding, engaging, and enjoying what I love to do.
Sensitivity. What can I say, "I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way" -Jewel, Everyday Angels
Empathy. As much as I am a sensitive person, I am also sensitive to the feelings and perspectives of others. This comes naturally but only magnified as I learned the theories, perspectives, and vocabulary of psychology in college. I love people, and I care deeply about the perspective and experience of those that I love.
Giving nature. I get this from my mother, in a major way. She has always said about giving and just being there for people in general, "if I can, then I will." I've taken this philosophy to heart in my life and relationships. I'm a care taker, what can I say?
Natural rhythm. So why is this a strength as well as something I just love about myself? I suppose I could say that the way I feel music through my whole body and mind and essence set my life on the artistic track. Being obsessed with dancing from a young age, I always felt artistic expression as a whole body experience and process. My introduction to arts and creative expression was always from that place of process and immersion in the experience, stemming always from finding a rhythm in the everyday sounds and music of life.
Giant heart. I'm a big 'ol softy. I care wholeheartedly.
Organizational aptitude. This is simple, and that's why I call it my strength. I am good at organizing. I attend to function and to aesthetic, but everything comes back to how easy it is to maintain, to put things back. That is the key to organization.
PHEW! That was even more challenging that the original exercise of just making lists. I recommend this exercise of the lists first, then follow up by a short explanation for one or two list items on days you're feeling low. This post took me much longer to finish that I expected because it hit me while in a weird and somewhat low headspace. But in the end, I'm so glad that I did it. I highly recommend this exercise, and send a big thank you to Lavendaire for this exercise in the Artist of Life Workbook.
Let me know in the comments what are your favorite things about yourself and major strengths that give you pride in yourself.
